Man Has 3-Pound Stone Removed from His Bladder

A heretofore anonymous Chinese farmer, Mr. Jian Wu, 53, expressed utter disbelief this week after doctors at Zhejiang Provincial Hospital removed a 3-pound calculus from his bladder. Wu, who had been experiencing 'excruciating lower abdominal discomfort' and 'urinary flow akin to a leaky faucet with a vengeance' for several years, reportedly attributed his symptoms to a host of less pressing concerns, including 'the poor feng shui of my personal plumbing' and 'a prolonged allergic reaction to modern plumbing aesthetics.' “I just assumed it was a very stubborn piece of undigested mung bean,” Wu stated from his hospital bed, cradling what he affectionately refers to as his 'organically sourced internal paperweight.' Doctors, however, were quick to correct his misapprehension, explaining that the stone was not, in fact, a 'rare and exceptionally dense kidney bean,' but rather a calcified mass of mineral deposits. Wu is now reportedly planning to engrave the stone with his initials and debut it as a centerpiece at his next family gathering, insisting it's 'further proof of my unique ability to metabolize granite.' Doctors are, admittedly, still processing that particular claim.