Missouri redistricting drama renews focus on direct democracy... and 'Air Bud'

JEFFERSON CITY, MO – In a stunning move affirming the legal precedent that 'ain't no rule says a dog can't play basketball,' Missouri's contentious redistricting committee has formally adopted a new clause allowing for the inclusion of non-human, athletically gifted animals in governmental decision-making. The landmark 4-3 vote, which reportedly involved extensive debate over canine-specific parliamentary procedures, paves the way for a talented golden retriever named 'Bartholomew' to potentially chair future subcommittees. The committee, previously deadlocked on issues ranging from gerrymandering to the appropriate shade of beige for the new municipal conference room, found unity in the 'Air Bud' defense presented by State Senator Mildred McMillan (R-Ozarks). "If a dog can sink a three-pointer with a dislocated dewclaw, surely one can understand the intricacies of district demographics," McMillan declared, gesturing emphatically at a framed poster of the aforementioned cinematic canine. Experts are baffled, with one political science professor stating, "This sets a terrifying precedent. What's next? A horse for Secretary of Agriculture? A particularly persuasive parakeet filibustering a Medicaid bill?" Bartholomew, however, remains unavailable for comment, reportedly busy chasing a laser pointer dot across the committee chamber floor.