Nigerian Teen Pretends to Be 32, Nearly Elected to Parliament

In a stunning display of political chicanery and/or extreme youth, a Nigerian 'man' identified only as 'Little Timmy' (known locally as Mahmud Sadis Buba) almost duped an entire nation into electing him to parliament. Timmy, who, upon closer inspection, appears to be roughly the consistency of a partially melted gummy bear, insisted he was a seasoned 32-year-old. Experts from the prestigious 'Institute for Age-Related Shenanigans' have lauded his commitment. Dr. Flim Flam, Head of Absurdist Demographics at the institute, stated, "This is unprecedented. Usually, the 'too-young-for-office' crowd tries to look older, but Timmy's commitment to portraying a wizened old soul trapped in an infant's body truly sets a new standard for electoral fraud... or perhaps simply being adorable." Voters, apparently swayed by his surprisingly firm grasp of 18th-century parliamentary procedure and his insistence on bedtime stories during campaign rallies, nearly sent him to Abuja. The scandal broke when Little Timmy was seen attempting to barter his campaign manifesto for a lollipop, and later, when a rival candidate offered him some juice box money if he'd just 'take a nap.' Authorities are now questioning whether his policy proposals for mandatory nap times and a national cookie reserve were genuine or merely the fevered dreams of a sugar-fueled tot.