Quadruple Amputee Cornhole Pro Accused of Murder

Prosecutors in Dayton, Ohio, are grappling with what legal experts are calling 'the trickiest alibi in prosecutorial history' after celebrated quadruple amputee cornhole professional, Dayton Webber, 27, was accused of shooting a man in his vehicle. Webber, who lost all four limbs to a childhood bacterial infection, stated simply, 'Look, I'm good, but I'm not *that* good. My prosthetic arm is designed for a perfect cornhole toss, not, you know, firearm discharge.' The indictment has sent shockwaves through the competitive cornhole circuit, where Webber is a beloved figure, known for his relentless positivity and astonishing accuracy. Fans are reportedly torn between defending their hero and questioning the logistics of a limbless man committing a drive-by shooting. 'He can nail a swish from twenty feet with a beanbag,' one fan mused, 'but a handgun? That's a whole different level of dexterity.' Investigators are reportedly exploring theories involving incredibly advanced robotics, a highly trained accomplice providing 'hand-coordination services,' or perhaps, as one detective sheepishly suggested, 'a really, really long string tied to the trigger and his mouth.' Webber maintains his innocence, insisting he was merely practicing his throws at the time of the incident, using only his custom-fitted, highly ergonomic torso-sling.